We had the chance to sit down with Werner Thompson, the director of NASA and ask him a few first questions about their latest rocket launch. Our interviewer wasted no time and to begin asked what the reasoning was behind the change in the new moonbase program. Werner responded with typical stoicism.
“The mission remains the same. To what change are you referring to?” Referring to his notes our interviewer went over the success of previous intermediate iterations of the mission to build a base on the moon.
“2019 was the first landing of a permanent inhabitable fixture on the moon, and there have been four successful supply runs in four years, the moonbase is thriving. NASA has long been considered an old boys club sure, but I ask again. Why the change,” he said. Werner pinched the bridge of his nose.
“If you’re referring to the change in the rockets, our calculations were perfect. The original rocket designs worked perfectly well,” he said. “But we had to redesign them from the ground up because…” He struggled. “Because they were sexist,” he finished and released his fingers and looked up again. Well prepared, our interviewer was impassive.
“The change was in the name of the equality of genders then. This begs the question of how many other designs have gone overlooked because of–” he said.
“Yes” Werner cut him off but his serious, almost severe demeanour was shaken. “For the sake of the equality of genders. Our calculations were perfect but we hadn’t considered… we didn’t know…” he said before trailing off. Our interview pressed on.
“Can you describe the designs of the new rocketship? The ‘Pioneer V’ it is called I believe,” he said, referring again to his notes. Werner rolled his eyes and stated flatly.
“Our first rockets were deemed by a prevailing social movement to be too phallic. So we designed the ‘Pioneer V’ to resemble a vagina, in fact the whole female reproductive system. Labia, clitoris, vaginal canal, uterus, even trailing fallopian tubes,” he said before quickly adding “It began as a joke among the engineers, a few memos and some schematics, but they got leaked and were taken seriously. This is what happens when politicians and scientists and astronauts concede to social pressure. The mission should be all that matters, not symbolic concessions to the emotions of uninvolved non-experts. These kinds of decisions have to be made for scientific reasons, not social ones, and this is what you get,” he finished not quite exasperated.
“And the mission?” Our interviewer continued. “Has it continued with its success or was there a failure?” Werner looked like he needed a drink.
“We would never sabotage our own work. We have the best engineers in the world. Yet we didn’t think it would get off the launch pad,” he said. “But…” he didn’t finish until our interviewer pressed again.
“You’re a man of evidence. Did the ‘Pioneer V’ fly?” he said. Werner ran his fingers through his hair.
“It did. It does. It’s flying. It’s flying at least as well as any of the earlier models of our rocket ships, and in 12.4 hours it will dock on the existing moon base. We all thought we were only obeying the fundamental principles of aerodynamics and engineering, but as it turns out we were just being sexist. The evidence is beyond contestation,” he regained himself. “So to answer your original question we don’t consider it a change, we consider it a step forward, we consider it progress in the right direction,” he said, with his old stoicism.
Matthew Cameron 
We had the chance to sit down with Werner Thompson, the director of NASA and ask him a few first questions about their latest rocket launch. Our interviewer wasted no time and to begin asked what the reasoning was behind the change in the new moonbase program. Werner responded with typical stoicism.
“The mission remains the same. To what change are you referring to?” Referring to his notes our interviewer went over the success of previous intermediate iterations of the mission to build a base on the moon.
“2019 was the first landing of a permanent inhabitable fixture on the moon, and there have been four successful supply runs in four years, the moonbase is thriving. NASA has long been considered an old boys club sure, but I ask again. Why the change,” he said. Werner pinched the bridge of his nose.
“If you’re referring to the change in the rockets, our calculations were perfect. The original rocket designs worked perfectly well,” he said. “But we had to redesign them from the ground up because…” He struggled. “Because they were sexist,” he finished and released his fingers and looked up again. Well prepared, our interviewer was impassive.
“The change was in the name of the equality of genders then. This begs the question of how many other designs have gone overlooked because of–” he said.
“Yes” Werner cut him off but his serious, almost severe demeanour was shaken. “For the sake of the equality of genders. Our calculations were perfect but we hadn’t considered… we didn’t know…” he said before trailing off. Our interview pressed on.
“Can you describe the designs of the new rocketship? The ‘Pioneer V’ it is called I believe,” he said, referring again to his notes. Werner rolled his eyes and stated flatly.
“Our first rockets were deemed by a prevailing social movement to be too phallic. So we designed the ‘Pioneer V’ to resemble a vagina, in fact the whole female reproductive system. Labia, clitoris, vaginal canal, uterus, even trailing fallopian tubes,” he said before quickly adding “It began as a joke among the engineers, a few memos and some schematics, but they got leaked and were taken seriously. This is what happens when politicians and scientists and astronauts concede to social pressure. The mission should be all that matters, not symbolic concessions to the emotions of uninvolved non-experts. These kinds of decisions have to be made for scientific reasons, not social ones, and this is what you get,” he finished not quite exasperated.
“And the mission?” Our interviewer continued. “Has it continued with its success or was there a failure?” Werner looked like he needed a drink.
“We would never sabotage our own work. We have the best engineers in the world. Yet we didn’t think it would get off the launch pad,” he said. “But…” he didn’t finish until our interviewer pressed again.
“You’re a man of evidence. Did the ‘Pioneer V’ fly?” he said. Werner ran his fingers through his hair.
“It did. It does. It’s flying. It’s flying at least as well as any of the earlier models of our rocket ships, and in 12.4 hours it will dock on the existing moon base. We all thought we were only obeying the fundamental principles of aerodynamics and engineering, but as it turns out we were just being sexist. The evidence is beyond contestation,” he regained himself. “So to answer your original question we don’t consider it a change, we consider it a step forward, we consider it progress in the right direction,” he said, with his old stoicism.
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